Government Shuts Down Blog

ATTENTION: This Blog has been suspended by order of the Department of Homeland Security! The owner of this blog has violated the US Patriot Act by abusing his so-called right to free speech by questioning Administration policy, and by repeatedly describing the President as an inarticulate toad.

If you are reading this notice, or have ever read this blog, you must report to the nearest Office of Homeland Security within 24 hours.

Please bring the following documents with you (NOTE: if you have donated at least $10,000 to each of President Bush's election campaigns we will assume you stumbled across this blog by accident and you can skip steps 1 - 3) otherwise, bring:

1) your original social security card
2) a copy of your birth certificate
3) letters from five US citizens who have known you for at least 20 years and who can attest to your good moral character.

Additionally, if your family has not lived in the United States for at least three (3) generations, please bring a family tree showing every ancestor going back to 1800. The tree should identify country of birth and political affiliation for each ancestor.

Please de advised that if you are a Muslim, look like a Muslim, have ever talked to a Muslim, or have ever sat next to a Muslim in a public place you will be detained until a complete background check has been completed.

If you are now or have ever been a member of the ACLU, Amnesty International, Greenpeace, PETA, People for the American Way, the SPCA , any labor union, the Ellen Degeneres Fan Club, a book group that has read anything by Kurt Vonnegut, or any of the 162,165 groups noted on our Subversive Groups list* please be prepared to renounce your membership immediately. Failure to do so will require further detention and meetings with our Re-education Committee.

* For a complete list of those groups designated as subversive go here

By order of:

Michael Chertoff

Secretary of Homeland Security

The Department of Homeland Security: Protecting the Rights We Think You Should Have Since 2001