Geirge Bush and the Spin Doctors

George W. Bush is walking down a hallway in the White House. He goes up to an unmarked door, turns the doorknob, walks in and finds . . . THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

(Uh . . . Wait a minute. Hmmm. Sorry -- wrong script. Let's start again shall we?)

George W. Bush is walking down a hallway in the White House. He goes up to an unmarked door, turns the doorknob, walks in and finds a man in a dark blue suit seated behind a desk. The nameplate on the desk reads "Guy Falderal -- Minister of Spin."

Falderal: Yes, can I help you.

Bush: I got myself a little problem and I think I might need some help.

Falderal: I'm sorry sir but I can't bring your poll numbers up.. For that you'll need to go to the Ministry of Miracles. Third door on the left. Good day.

Bush: No, no. You're the right guy. It's definitely a spinology problem.

Falderal: Oh alright then, tell me what you need.

Bush: Well, you mighta heard that I got a little problem over there in Iraq.

Falderal: A "little problem?" More like a complete bollocks wouldn't you say Sir? In fact, more like a complete and royal bollocks of the first order don't you think? A complete, total, royal, first-class, head-of-the-line, make Nixon look good bollocks, wouldn't you say? A complete . . .

Bush: Yeah, yeah . . . I get it. I screwed up, ok?

Falderal: Screwed up? More like . . .

Bush: Are you gonna let me say what I need or what?

Falderal: Oh certainly sir. And what is it that you need Mr. "My poll numbers have gone farther south than a migrating waterfowl?"

Bush: Look, don't forget that I am the President of the US of A mister!

Falderal: Oh yes well, President of the United States. Leader of the Free World. Well la-di-da! And how did you get to be that eh? By exploiting the masses I wager. A little smoke and mirrors here, a Supreme Court judge in the pocket there and anyone can be president.

Bush: Can we just get on with it?

Falderal: Yes, yes, by all means, let's "get on with it." Fascist bastard!

Bush: What did you say?

Falderal: Uh, nothing, nothing at all. Just tell me your problem.

Bush: Ok. See I wanna send in more troops to Iraq and . . .

Falderal: You what?!? Are you stark raving mad?

Bush: Look, Dickie says it's a good idea and that's enough for me! Now the problem is I don't know what to call it. We can't call it an escalation because that will get the liberals' panties all bunched up.

Falderal: How about you call it "the stupidest idea since the original invasion?"

Bush: Are you gonna help me here or not? I mean, I do sign your paychecks right?

Falderal: Oh sure, play the "I'm your boss card!" Very nice. Just another minion for you to trample on. Dirty rotten chimp faced troll.

Bush: What was that?

Falderal: Nothing, didn't say a thing. Alright -- how about this. You call the build-up "a surge."

Bush: Serge? I gotta a blue serge suit but I don't see what that has to do with the price of rice in China.

Falderal: (shaking head) "Surge" with a "u" you poster boy for retroactive abortion.

Bush: 'Scuse me?

Falderal: Nothing, nothing at all. Just pointing out that it is "surge" with a "u." You know: a strong, wavelike, forward movement, rush, or sweep: the onward surge of an angry mob.

Bush: Well, I don't know about that angry mob bit, but I like the strong, forward movement idea. And so does Condi if you get my drift. Anyway surge sounds great. Let me run it by Turd Blossom and see what he says about it, but I think we got ourselves a winner.

Falderal: Oh sure, by all means run it by "Turd Blossom" that neo-Nazi porky pig and sorry excuse for a human being!

Bush: What was that last bit?

Falderal: Nothing, nothing at all sir. Good luck with the surge! (Smiles knowingly.)